West Ham Player Grades: Time to laugh to keep from crying after Arsenal

The tale of two halves had nothing on the overall span of what West Ham has lost in losing to Arsenal. To keep from crying we laugh with these player grades.

Question… How does one keep from crying at the current state surrounding West Ham? Answer… it’s easy, let’s just laugh and have fun in a metaphorical segment of this week’s Hammers player grades.

Grades from 0 to 10

Martin

Last Week: 7.2

This Week: 6

From being not needed in the first half to getting hung out to dry in the second, you could say that David Martin was a bit like Tom Hanks from Castaway. The only person he could talk with was the ball.

Fredericks

Last Week: 6.1

This Week: 5.9

Ryan Fredericks was as tentative as a teenager trying to as a girl out, he was way too passive on both sides of the pitch.

Ogbonna

Last Week: 7.2

This Week: 6.5

Like a young dolphin taking its first plunge out of the water, Angelo Ogbonna made the best move all night while putting West Ham up early.

Balbuena

Last Week: 6.2

This Week: 6

After a solid first half, Fabian Balbuena fell apart. You could almost hear President Reagan saying “Mr. Balbuena tear down that wall,” or fall apart like one in this case.

Cresswell went off injured in the 49th minute

Last Week: 6.1

This Week: 6.5

Aaron Cresswell was a steady ship that was clearly missed after he went out injured. Like Ironman he was just trying to save the world, only to ruin his own in the process. On a serious note, best of luck and steady returns.

Masuaku subbed on for the injured Cresswell

Subbed Grade: 4.5

If anything, Arthur Masuaku reminded us all that he might not be a defender. Nicolas Pepe made him look like a bag in the wind just trying to find somewhere to fall.

Rice

Last Week: 7.1

This Week: 6.6

Like a young Kind Henry V, Declan Rice paraded the midfield only losing his place once but as per usual he looked pretty good securing the midfield.

Noble

Last Week: 6.3

This Week: 6.2

Celebrating his 500th EPL match for West Ham must have felt a bit like… well… being a player at West Ham. Taking the ups with the downs like an old wooden roller coaster but he is our old wooden coaster.

Snodgrass subbed off in the 77th minute

Last Week: 6.1

This Week: 5.9

Like the ozone layer is depleting, so too was Robert Snodgrass. McMessi had one of his worst matches this season as he flung his body around for most of the night.

Holland subbed on for Snodgrass

Subbed Grade: 6.3

Nathan Holland was used like the great infomercial item, Flex Seal. “Just throw it out there and it’ll stick” as he was put into a match that didn’t matter at all.

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Fornals

Last Week: 6.9

This Week: 6.5

The build-up and the assist were as Oscar-worthy as the Monty Python. However, that was all that you got from Pablo Fornals for the rest of the match.

Anderson subbed off in the 70th minute

Last Week: 7.9

This Week: 4.5

Felipe Anderson was to West Ham as headlight fluid is to a car. You could fit what they are currently good for into a postage stamp.

Haller subbed on for Anderson

Subbed Grade: 5

Like a disgusting saltless diet, Sebastien Haller maybe only touched the ball twice and you can see the frustration boiling in him and the fans.

Antonio

Last Week: N/A

This Week: 6.5

Pulling his best Bruce Willis impression in trying to save the world he did all that he could. Trying all that he could, Michail Antonio looked like he was swimming in a fur coat by the end of the match.

WhoScored.com gave the Hammers an overall team rating of 6.42 which was only a 0.01 point less than last week against Wolves but there is a feeling that the Hammers played way worse. What happens now? Nobody knows just yet but something needs to and soon.