East London – where the bubble is bursting faster than a Paqueta offside trap! It's October 29, 2025, and the city’s Irons are 19th in the Premier League – yes, NINETEENTH – staring down the barrel of relegation like it's auditioning for a horror flick. And who's to blame? None other than our new man in charge, Nuno Espírito Santo, the Portuguese puzzle-master who's turned the London Stadium into his personal Tactical Madhouse!
Nuno arrived like a knight in shining armour on September 27, fresh off his Forest sacking, signing a three-year deal to save us from Graham Potter's possession purgatory. First game? 1-1 at Everton – gritty, organized 4-5-1, Jarrod Bowen and Crysensio Summerville stretching 'em, Niclas Füllkrug lurking. It was a good start for a team in disarray. The fanbase approved. One point on the board!
Against Brentford at home – the team’s first big chance under Nuno – he unveils a lineup that had: Ollie Scarles (left-footed LB) at RIGHT-BACK? Aaron Wan-Bissaka (RB king) at LEFT-BACK? And get this: NO STRIKER! Zilch up top! Just Andy Irving, a midfielder who's been freezing in the Antarctic for 780 days, suddenly starting as an attacking midfielder? 2-0 loss, fans boycotting, switching to a back-five at halftime like a sinking ship bailing water!
"Experimenting," he calls it! "Acquainting myself with the squad," Nuno said smirking during post-match interviews. Acquainting? Wasn’t the time for getting acquainted the first couple of weeks and during the international break? The squad are RELEGATION CANDIDATES, not a lab for your full-back flip-flops! Then Leeds away – another strikerless 4-4-2 disaster! Soucek and Irving in midfield? No legs, no bite! Down early again, 2-1 defeat.
Don't get me started on the striker crisis! Niclas Füllkrug's thighs betray him again – injured. Callum Wilson? Benched three games running! He's scored this season! Instead, we get Callum Marshall, a 20-year-old pup with six touches in 30 minutes? "Not the greatest decision," Nuno admits after Leeds.
And the defence? Max Kilman and Constantinos Mavropanos solid-ish under Potter, but Nuno's tinkering has 'em shipping goals like the Titanic. 20 conceded in nine games! International break? He tests a back-three vs Ipswich – lost that too. Wing-backs? Diouf rampaging left, but who's overlapping when full-backs are inverted?
Nuno's logic? "Priority is identity!" he says. Identity is STAYING UP! Fans have even chanted for James Ward-Prowse – dropped! Tomas Soucek over Magassa/Potts/Fernandes? Is West Ham doomed? 3.1% of game time leading – that's us! Protests, boycotts, "Sack the Board!" But the board says back Nuno to January – transfers incoming? Good! Raid your Wolves/Forest contacts – Neves? Elanga?
If any of the experimentation was any good, he wouldn’t have abandoned it midway through the last two matches. It doesn’t take experimenting to know that Paqueta is not a number 9 and that Bowen is best on the right wing. We know that Wan-Bissaka had a comeback season last year playing at right-back and that the core of this team still believes in a counter-attacking style of play, going back to David Moyes. Their best result was playing against Moyes (Everton) in that style. The time for experimenting is over; instead, this should be a time for continuity.
This should be a time for players to get to know each other and build chemistry on the pitch. Mateus Fernandes should get to know how to play with Bowen and Paqueta – it’s why he was brought here. Callum Wilson should get a realistic shot at number 9, because what other choice do they have? And fans should get to see Freddie Potts because he just may be the only player left after they are relegated.