A very West Ham Thanksgiving – who’s bringing what to dinner?

Happy Thanksgiving to all the American West Ham supporters out there taking today to celebrate and enjoy some family time! Of course, no Thanksgiving can happen without a delicious bounty so here’s which West Ham player would bring what to the holiday meal!

Appetizers – Felipe Anderson

A little something to whet your appetite before the big meal? Sounds exactly like Felipe Anderson and his tantalizing play style. He’s been off the scoresheet in recent weeks, however, there is the eerie feeling that when he has the ball at his feet magic can happen at any time. He isn’t bringing the big guns to Thanksgiving dinner for the Hammers, but he does get you excited for what’s on its way – the ultimate place setter!

Stuffing – Robert Snodgrass

Stovetop and from a box or homemade and crammed in the bird, stuffing is integral to a quality Thanksgiving meal and so too has Robert Snodgrass been for the Hammers this season. After leaving the Aston Villa on loan a few seasons back no one really believed there would be a future for Snodgrass at West Ham. Well, his jammy physical play and ability to turn nothing into goals has turned this around. Plus, he bundled Harry Kane to the pitch last week which only escalates him in supporters’ eyes. You can’t have Thanksgiving without stuffing, and you can’t have West Ham without Snoddy either!

Cranberry Sauce – Manuel Lanzini

While its the perfect dish to add a little color and flair to your Thanksgiving meal with, cranberry sauce is notoriously not for everyone! As great as he is when he’s playing well, Lanzini is the ultimate cranberry sauce player, dividing the fanbase on whether you actually want the sweet with the sour, or would prefer something entirely different.

Green Bean Casserole – Ryan Fredericks

No one every really talks about just how good and reliable the green bean casserole is at Thanksgiving dinner, but damn you sure do miss it when it’s not there. The perfect descriptor for Ryan Fredericks because there is a massive gap in the West Ham team when the speedster isn’t there ripping up the flank. He’s underrated, just like green bean casserole, and holds the entire ensemble together more than he gets credit for. That being said, when the casserole is bad… it’s REALLY bad.

Mashed Potatoes – Mark Noble

A year-round mashed potato player, Mark Noble easily transitions from pie and mash to turkey and mash in the blink of an eye because it perfectly encapsulates what he is. He’s a staple in the team just like mashed potatoes and you direly miss him when he’s not here to the point where it feels absolutely wrong when he’s missing. He’ll mash up the opposition and hand out lumps to anyone in the midfield while smoothly outletting the ball the very next second. A Thanksgiving day and West Ham staple.

Turkey – Declan Rice

What’s everyone coming to Thanksgiving dinner expecting to eat? The centerpiece to the entire meal is the turkey sitting in the middle of the table and stealing the show, exactly how West Ham standout Declan Rice does on this team. Defensive midfield isn’t the most attractive position, and turkey isn’t the most desirable meal, but when it’s done right it’s unmissable and crucial to the success of the entire meal, just the that DM role. As long as he’s on this team, Declan Rice is the centerpiece to the whole set up.

Apple and Pumpkin Pie – Issa Diop and Sebastien Haller

Is it too on the nose to name the two Frenchmen as the pastry dishes? Regardless, Thanksgiving wouldn’t be the meal it is unless you had something sweet to cap it all off with after saying “oh I couldn’t eat another bite!” You take down the slice to end the meal off and deal with the consequences, either it hits the spot or it sends you fully into the impending food coma. Kind of like how a performing striker will cap off the perfect play or flub the shot, or how a center-back can either provide divine intervention or knock in an own goal!

Wait, aren’t we forgetting something… THE GRAVY!

There is no use in having stuffing, mashed potatoes, turkey, and green bean casserole if you don’t have the perfect gravy to top it all off! The luxuriously smooth, flavorful liquid ties everything together and perfectly accents the meal making everything better. Who better to be that gravy for this team than Lukasz Fabianski. God, have we missed him; like a Thanksgiving meal without gravy, West Ham are not whole without their keeper. The man is different gravy.

Honorable mentions

Aaron Cresswell, Rolls – There always there, exactly where you’d expect them to be.

Angelo Ogbonna, Wine – Who doesn’t want a classy Nebbiolo to wash down the rest of the meal?

Andriy Yarmolenko, Butter – He makes everyone better when he’s on his game, but not the end of the world when he’s not on.

Jack Wilshere, empty place setting – “I may be a little late but save me a spot!” but he never shows.

Roberto, Politics – Divisive and threatens to derail the entire dinner!